The Evolutionary Drive
Men are more likely to have an extramarital affair but if it’s really an affair and not just one-time sex with a stranger, then that guy is still choosing sex in a relationship over a series of one-night stands.
Instead of just saying ‘men are dogs’ maybe we need to ask why that original relationship and sexual partner are no longer fulfilling.
We have all experienced the excitement of a new relationship and sexual partner, We hear a lot about couples falling into a rut and slowly disconnecting with each other over the years.
It means it’s time to start talking more regularly and more openly about how to refresh the relational and sexual aspects of a marriage and how to maintain that into older age.
We’ve all heard that according to evolutionary theory, men should spread their seed widely in order to maximize the number of children they’ll have, whereas women should choose one partner carefully.
Evolution has also built in an attachment system that creates very strong bonds between a child and each of its caregivers; that system even has its own neural circuitry.
Perhaps more important, studies indicate that children in pre-technological cultures who are raised by two biological parents are more likely than children with any other parenting configuration to live long enough to reproduce.
From an evolutionary perspective, passing your genes along to your grandchildren is the big win.
Testosterone makes boys and men horny but being horny is different from being promiscuous. From a practical standpoint, it’s easier to have lots of sex with the same partner day after day than to keep finding a new partner every day.
Guys have always been like this and aren’t going to change. In fact, there have always been some guys who do sleep around. But they are and always have been the minority.
Men Won’t Change
Men won’t change, so if you’re going to date them, you just need to deal with it. However, the truth is that men have changed. They have become less sexist than they were forty years ago.
Two generations ago, most guys believed their wife shouldn’t have to work, except maybe to keep busy or if the family was trying to get some extra money.
Today, most guys expect their partner to have a career and hope to achieve and maintain something close to equality within their marital relationships. Guys have also become increasingly comfortable with the idea that women will pay some of the dating expenses.
Then again, since most guys are not Casanovas, maybe it’s our personal and cultural expectations about what’s typical that need to change.
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