Movie Clip: Sex on the Plage

I really enjoy having sex out in the natural world. The forest is good. A lake is great. A field. The beach. Love it. Bring it on. But as wonderful as it is to get natural in nature, it always comes with its shortfalls. As does having sex in public, no matter where it is. And as romantic and sexy as beach sex sounds, and has been made to look by countless cinematic moments, it’s actually kind of terrible. Like, can we just finally all collectively admit that we’ve all been kidding ourselves to think that there’s anything good about trying to get down in a giant pile of dirt, basically? Sure, it’s “good” because you’re having sex, obviously, but let’s be real: The “good” stops there. Everything else is bad, mostly because you’ve got sand creeping into your asshole, which probably isn’t the thing you were wanting in there, even if you happen to like things going into your asshole. Basically, before you go jumping on the beach sex bandwagon, consider why it might actually be the worst.

It’s you against the elements out there, and while you might be drawn to the sexiness of a romp under the sun, the implications can leave you bruised, chafed and bitten (and not in the good way). Before you throw down a towel and drop your swimming bottoms, think about all the pain that could be coming your way if you go through with having sex on the beach. Here are 8 reasons why having sex on the beach (while a sexy prospect) is actually sort of the worst in a lot of ways:

1. The sand (dear god, all the sand)

 

Sand is the natural enemy of everything. It’s small and granular and wily and gets into places you never expected that anything could get. There is nothing sexy about sand in your coochie, pee hole, mouth, ears or any other area that’s generally involved in sex, foreplay, and kissing. Sex on the beach involves a lot of spitting sand out of your mouth and weird chafing, all of which is a real mood-killer.

 

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