Although the amateur may be tempted to group this cephalopod (Octopi) in the same family as other domestic cephalopods, the Greater Spotted Bushwacker is actually a carnivore! The monster is known to consume only human females, and is related to the reclusive (if relentlessly pursued by shameless monster groupies) Lesser Hypnotic Mind Tentacle!
An account of the Mind Tentacle’s mode of attack may be found in the frivolous and utterly forgettable writings of Ralf Farquar Squires (“inventively” entitled: Tentacle’s Female Feast).
The Greater Spotted Bushwacker is, at least in appearance, much more imposing than its smaller cousin. As with all the mutated Octopi, species they camouflage themselves to hide in plain sight. Thus living cheek by jowl with its human prey! The Greater Spotted Bushwacker’s favoured camouflage is that of a Grey Spotted Car or Picnic blanket!
Given its predilection for females, the Greater Spotted Bushwacker possesses one of the most refined palates in the animal kingdom. In fact, the limits of the Greater Spotted Bushwacker’s sense of smell, and it’s ability to scent the exquisite bouquet of female genitals is unknown. They are known to pursue females, over thousands of miles, with the devotion of a gourmet seeking a rare truffle. In combination with their exceeding vanity (a defect to which all tentacles species are prone) makes the Greater Spotted Bushwacker an unparalleled culinary scholar!
How the Bushwacker camouflages itself before the attack isn’t well understood, but the picnicking past time, traditionally favoured by females, has proven to be the perfect niche for this carnivore. Fortunately, the student of the Greater Spotted Bushwacker may find several eye-witness accounts recorded, the earliest and most detailed follows below:
Interviewer: Can you tell us when this attack occurred?
Female: I remember it like it was yesterday, June 23rd, 1957, a Sunday. We were only kids in those days, a little innocent but big enough to have big ideas. We’d just seen, oh wait, what was that movie called? ‘Love in the Afternoon’. Had Gary Cooper and Audrey Hepburn in it.
Interviewer: You said earlier it was just you and a couple friends!
Female: Yes, we decided we’d go out and have a picnic.
Interviewer: What can you tell me about the picnic blanket?
Female: Well, see, Jane and Polly couldn’t find the blanket they usually liked. Instead, Jane found this other blanket. It was beautiful, a dark grey with white spots and looked like it had never been used. And it was so soft and had a pleasant smell to it. We gave up looking for the other blanket and decided to take that one!
Interviewer: Can you describe where the attack occurred?
Female: We had our favourite spot in the country. It was so secluded, when it was hot we stripped and sunbathed, sometimes as we young and curious we would explore each other’s bodies! Taking turns to rub oily sun lotion on each other! I loved to feel Janes soft breasts and hard nipples under my finger, it made me feel quite horny! Jane had begged me to masturbate her, but that was somewhat taboo for me. Polly, on the other hand, was only too eager to obliged and rubbed Jane’s pussy till she climaxed, she used to squeal like a little piggy as she orgasmed. I’m sure you would now call Polly bi-sexual? We spread out the blanket and were just about to put the basket in the middle and sit down, when, well I started to feel peculiar! We were completely clothed, but I was beginning to feel horny! The blanket was smelling so good, just, I don’t know! That’s when it all started!
Interviewer: When what started?
Female: That blanket, you know? That smell must have been like a drug because all of a sudden we were all sort of weak and light-headed; sleepy even. At the same time, I wanted to inhale more and more of that smell. We saw the blanket turning into this tentacle creature, like an Octopus and we all panicked. We started crawling away on hands and knees, but that thing had already grabbed us by the ankles!
Interviewer: Can you describe it?
Female: Besides it looking like an Octopus?
Interviewer: That’s right.
Female: Well, it was still that beautiful grey colour with white spots. The Octopus must have liked that pattern because it didn’t change. It was just like what you called it, a grey spotty, tentacled monster!
Interviewer: You said it grabbed your ankles, what happened next?
Female: One minute I was trying to get away and the next moment I was in a stupor. I didn’t know what I wanted or what I was ready for. I was on my back, knees were drawn back and apart. Everything felt hot, swollen, and sensitive. I remember the monster was pulling at our clothes. It wasn’t like it was in a hurry. It was being very careful like it was unwrapping presents.
Its tentacles were narrow and long and slowly tore our clothes to shreds. It took maybe a full 30 minutes before it had stripped all three of us! The tentacles curled in the air like question marks and quivering exclamation points, before they attached themselves to a piece of clothing and ripped it from your body. I remember laying there unable or unwilling to move as a tentacle curled around the gusset of my knickers! I could feel the soft, moist skin of the Octopi rubbing against my pussy, it felt nice! Then with a tug, it wrenched them from my body leaving me just as naked as Polly and Jane!
I remember Jane was looking at me. Her gaze was focused and unfocused at the same time. She was still on her knees, but they were splayed as wide as she could spread them without her hips touching the ground. Her cheek was in the grass, her face turned to me. The way her knees were parted, the way she lifted her pussy, the way her back arched and the way it stretched her belly!
It was so obscene!
I didn’t even know what obscene meant but, oh god, it turned me on to see a girl look like that. I mean, we didn’t have pornography, but to know a girl could look like that. Her arse in the air and her pussy so open and swollen! It was so primal and immediate. The monster kept caressing our bodies with its soft, sticky tentacles, it was so delicate. I was arching my own back and spreading my knees without even knowing what I wanted!
Interviewer: You weren’t frightened?
Female: Oh yes, but that was the terrible, awful thing about the monster. It was terrifying, there was no escape my skin was so hot. My nipples were on fire. I couldn’t hold still. I couldn’t move. I was twisting in the grass. I was whimpering. I couldn’t open my legs any wider! My pussy lips felt like they had peeled apart, the entrance to my vagina was fully exposed, I could feel my vaginal canal clenching as the cool breeze entered my body! Fuck! I was becoming sexually aroused! It seems I craved more than a fresh breeze in my pussy!
Interviewer: And what was the monster doing?
Female: It put one of its tentacles in my mouth, and I started licking and sucking it. I needed something, anything, to hold onto. I barely noticed when it rolled me over onto my tummy, squashing my swelling breasts into the ground, I felt the rough grass tickling my nipples! At this point I was still kissing and sucking the bulb of the tentacle, following it with my mouth as it placed my arms behind me and as it did so it squirted a sticky substance onto my wrists! Once the monster placed one wrist on top of the other, they were stuck fast!
Interviewer: It glued your wrists together?
Female: Yes, the stuff was so powerful our wrists were instantly bound! Then my feet!
Interviewer: Your feet?
Female: Yes, the monster flipped me onto my back then rubbed the sticky substance into the bottom of my feet! As two tentacles forced my knees apart, another two placed the soles of my feet together! They stuck fast, and I laid there on my back with legs splayed open and with my pussy exposed and at the monsters pleasure!
Interviewer: What happened next?
Female: Well it had eight arms. Each one was doing something different, and it was incredibly powerful. All three of us were the same. We had been licking, sucking, chasing the tentacles with our mouths as it bound our wrists and feet together with its glue. And then, just when our mouths were full of a tentacle, we all three started to panic, the realisation of our situation suddenly flooded into our brains. The intoxicating perfume must have been wearing off! We all three were hyperventilating when poor Jane’s cries change into a long primaeval groan!
I almost blacked out, when I felt the monster’s tentacle slither inside me. Every time it drew back, it pushed deeper and deeper. It was fucking my pussy in a slow rhythmic pump! It sped up, as a feeling deep inside my sex grew and then in a blinding flash of pleasure my pussy exploded! The beast gave me my very first orgasm!
Polly and Jane must be climaxing too by the sounds of squelching and exultations for the thing to fuck them harder! The monstrosity was filling us with thick spurts of a creamy liquid that filled our pussies and made our uterus bulge and stretch. The instant we orgasmed and were full to overflowing of its creamy juice, the monster withdrew and lifted us upside down by our feet. He hung us, all three of us, from the lower branches of the same tree, like he was saving us for dinner!
Interviewer: Do you think you could have escaped?
Female: We all three were hooked over a branch by our feet hanging upside down, blood rushing to our heads! All I could think about was relieving the fullness, all that stuff, whatever it was, that was inside me. But I couldn’t. We all three tried. We’d try to push it out, twisting, turning, spinning, but we were upside down. We’d arch our backs, but only a little would dribble out, dripping down our stomachs, breasts and onto our lips! It tasted awful!
One after the other, we would climax again and again as the thing masturbated us simultaneously with three tentacles. It placed the sucker on the end of its tentacle over our clit’s and started a rhythmical sucking! My clitoris just pumped in and out being drawn up into the sucking mouth, it felt like my clit was being stretched!
Stopping my orgasm was impossible! One after the other pulsed through my body; my vulva was so over stimulated I thought I would pass out!
Poor Jane urinated trying to push the goo out of her sex, but all that happened was a fountain of pee shot into the air and rained back down over her body! The thing wanked her harder and faster, and she immediately orgasmed again!
After that Jane gave up. Her pussy lips and nipples were just as red and swollen as mine!
It felt like all the stuff in my vagina was draining into my breasts! Filling them with its nasty goo, my breasts swelled to over double their cup size. They had flopped back against my face and were beginning drip and squirt milk!
I think I even heard hikers close by once, but we finally just sort of gave up and hung there, all three of us! Strange, I felt comforted by the sunlight bathing my body with its warmth!
A breeze blew up or wind, and we all three started to swing and turn!
Interviewer: Do you know what the Cephalopod was doing?
Female: It was like the most normal day in the world for it. It was rooting through our picnic basket. It would hold up grapes and pick them one by one. It uncorked some wine we’d snuck out of the house and sniffed it and sipped it like an expert while it ate our bread and cheese!
Interviewer: Was there anything it didn’t like?
Female: It was kind of finicky. If it thought something was, you know, sub-par, it tossed it over its shoulder and moved on to the next thing.
Interviewer: So it was having a picnic.
Female: It was eating our picnic, and we were going to be the desert!
Interviewer: And what were you doing this whole time?
Female: Like I said, we had given up. We were so, swollen and over sensitised from its continual wanking and, oh my god, so horny! Oh my fuck, that smell had made us so horny ready for whatever it wanted to do to us! Apparently the purpose of its perfume!
Interviewer: All three females.
Female: Yes, we were all so horny! I remember our own female lube started oozing out of our pussies! It dribbled over my clit saturating my pubic hair and trickled down over my abdomen! It meandered its way down via the valley that now formed between my swollen breasts, over my throat and on over my chin. I kept my mouth closed to stop myself drinking my own female lubricant, the creamy liquid ran over my scarlet lips and began to fill my nostrils! I opened my mouth as I gasped for breath and started to drink my own lube! I had never tasted a woman before, I liked it! I swallowed it greedily, and fuck it was making me feel even more aroused!
Interviewer: What happened when it was done picnicking?
Female: It took poor Jane first. I didn’t have enough consciousness to scream. Then I was next. It unglued my wrists and feet with another secretion from its tentacles! Then the monster squirted more glue onto my knees then folded me in half like I was a letter it was going to post! Next, it glued my knees to my breasts, that’s when I felt one of its tentacles peeling open my pussy while another probed my bum hole! It penetrated quite deep into my rectum, making my bum hole nearly as big as my pussy! It was then I suddenly realised it was getting ready to eat me!
Interviewer: Did you struggle?
Female: Every muscle in my body was in free fall. I didn’t have any strength at all. But being swallowed was the most erotic experience of my life. None of my muscles worked. It consumed me pussy-first, just like Jane, my ankles next to my ears. Once I slipped past its mouth, it swallowed, and I slid into something like its belly! Except there were, what I took for eggs everywhere. Its muscles would squeeze so hard that the eggs popped into my open bum hole and on into my rectum one after the other! Eggs also filled my pussy, being forced down my vaginal canal and into my uterus!
Interviewer: How did you breathe?
Female: I don’t know. It was like I didn’t need to. Like I say, none of my muscles were working, not even my lungs, and yet it didn’t matter. The eggs were filling my stomach. I could feel them sliding along my rectal canal and on into my bowel, with each squeeze. My belly started to become bloated with them!
Female: And then the next thing I knew all three of us were sort of in a naked pile. The Octopus was licking its tentacles and folding the napkins, putting away the plates and glassware, and putting everything back in the picnic basket.
Interviewer: You had been impregnated?
Female: All three of us. And nobody, not one person, believed us! Until now and your interview!
Interviewer: What can you tell us about the children?
Female: They’re little monsters but cute, you know? Nobody would ever guess what kind of terror made them. And that’s the thing about these Octopus monsters. They’re everywhere. Girls don’t have a chance. There isn’t anywhere that’s safe from them.
Interviewer: Thank you so much for your time. Hopefully, this report will help alert women to the danger around them!
The inattentive researcher, having studied the five cases already described, might conclude that no further investigation is merited. The diligent researcher may be assured, however, that many more varieties of the domestic cephalopod remain undiscovered. Their astonishing and demonstrated ability to camouflage themselves stand as a warning that the researcher may find herself in the presence of the domesticated cephalopod without notice.! So be careful!
Any towel, chair, couch or bedding, among other possibilities, may attack to insemination and impregnation!
Herr Doktor Johan von Creetens, notes that the Greater Spotted Bushwacker researchers argue that the carnivore classification is a misnomer in that neither the Mind Tentacle nor the Greater Spotted Bushwacker actually eats their victims!
That is, their attack is never fatal. More accurately, the cephalopods of the carnivore family swallow their victims as part of an evolutionary strategy that, depending on the carnivore, seeks to consume the victim’s orgasms, to inseminate the victim, impregnate or implant their eggs in the female!
Other victims of the Greater Spotted Bushwacker have compared the smell of the monster to that of a newborn baby, the smell of which is known to produce elevated levels of dopamine in females, associated with sexual pleasure and other forms of sexual gratification!
Although the subject refers to the Cephalopod as an Octopus, researchers should note these creatures do not like to be referred to as an Octopus. If one’s tongue slips, expect extended periods of pouting, petulance, and non-cooperation.
Researchers will note the Greater Spotted Bushwacker’s procreative strategy, in some ways similar to that of the Speckled Purple Milker. The Bushwacker injects its victims with a sophisticated cocktail of hormones and inseminates that rapidly induces an environment favourable to impregnation. The hormones are allowed to steep into the victim while they are suspended upside down.
Though the Greater Spotted Bushwacker usually and indiscriminately seeds its victim with several dozen eggs, leaving the victim uncomfortably impregnated in her large bowel, small bowel and stomach for the first several days, only one or two eggs implanted in the inseminated rectum usually develop! The rest are evacuated in the victim’s regular bowel movement!
Further research is undergoing and will be published when the findings are validated by the Cephalopod Research Council!