An erotic parody by Mark Darcy
Mark Darcy’s Parody The Jokers Grand Scheme will be in the Amazon store in the summer of 2018. This first chapter is a taste of what’s to come look out for further chapters in the weeks and months to come. Follow the blog to get chapters as they are published!
Chapter One: “The Capture of Batgirl!”
“It’s been two weeks since The Joker escaped from Arkum Asylum and according to the latest reports, Batman is hunting The Arch Villain down! Many in the criminal underworld believe The Joker has fled Gotham City!”
The female correspondent on the television screen informed an invisible audience, as she reported from outside Arkum Asylum.
“Damn it! This town needs an enema to clean itself of such bad journalism! That bitch is just all, ‘Tits and Arse.’ You just know she fucked her way into the job! Fled Gotham, indeed! The damn fucking vigilante has done everything in his power to make my life a living hell these the past two weeks. It’s like he’s blaming me for the death of a close family member!”
The Joker yelled as he sat on his throne with Dr Harleen F Quinzel (Harley Quinn) perched by his side.
“Hey Mr J, I thought you went to prison for killing Robin?” Harley asked respectfully.
“Oh yes, of course, The Boy Wonder is dead. I had nearly forgotten about that, fuck I guess we did take something from him. But wouldn’t you think he’d grow up and let bygones be bygones; The Bat refuses to see sense! You know that’s why it was so easy for me to abscond? How am I supposed to be rehabilitated, if they keep letting me escape? The sad sap libertarians have abolished the death penalty and as a consequence haven’t a clue what to do with me! The damn warden wanted me out of Arkum, so Batman could hunt me down and execute me, so my death wouldn’t be on their hands! Making it all legal!”
The Joker said, giving Harley his view on the situation.
“They’ve done it before, Mr J!” Harley reminded him.
“And look what’s happened every time, I always get recaptured and get sent back! But not this time, is that not right, boys?” Joker asked, as three huge thugs dressed in black entered the room. All three men wore white makeup on their faces to look the same as their boss! Many years earlier Jeremiah Valeska later to become ‘The Joker’ had fallen into a vat of acid, disfiguring and turning his skin tone into an insipid white, and his hair into dirty sludgy green colour!!
One of the thugs carried a video camera and plugged it into the TV that The Joker had been just watching!
“Yeh, that’s right boss! We’ve got the footage you wanted. It took us over a week of surveillance but we’ve done it!” The number one thug said as he pressed play!
“Excellent boys!” The Joker replied, rubbing his fingers together as he watched film of his next intended target; ‘Batgirl!’
The film showed Batgirl tracking and apprehending criminals.
The Joker noticed that she was a highly skilled martial artist, and fought like the preverbal tiger, but she often was quite impulsive! Jumping in where maybe she should have waited for back up, maybe a weakness that he could exploit against her he considered!
The villain watches the footage for a good two hours as different fights sequences played out until finally, he sees Batgirl enter an alleyway on her motorcycle, and mysteriously disappear.
“You’re going to like the next part boss!” One of the other thugs said, laughing?
The Joker was about to slap the man down when the film moved onto a shot of a large panoramic window! The second-floor window in fact, of a house that was situated near the same alley that Batgirl disappeared from. Filming from an apartment opposite, the camera zoomed in on the action taking place inside the room!
You could see a TV, and on the TV The Joker could see a willowy tall blonde doing stretches and various fitness exercises, apparently a keep fit instructor.
The scene slowly zooms out and there’s Barbara Gordon, the famed daughter of The Head of Gotham Police Department; Commissioner Gordon! She was working out, mirroring the moves of the instructor on the fitness video.
Barbara Gordon wore only a sports bra and a pair of leggings; the leggings clung to her hips, showing off her lean, toned quadriceps and gluteus muscles. The Joker watched her powerful thighs move under the tight leggings, his eyes focusing on her groin and the prominent camel toe, visible through the thin material. But was more mesmerised by her bouncing breasts, held captive by the elastic material that just about supported those lovely orbs!
“Hey Harley, I’d pay good money to see you in some girl on girl action with that pussy!” Joker sniggered!
Finally, Barbara switched off the TV and made her way over to a full-length mirror situated in a corner of the room. Miss Gordon now standing in front of the mirror took in her reflection!
“Look at my lovely firm arse!” Joker said, in a high-pitched voice, pretending to be Barbara Gordon, as the woman caressed her buttocks!
“I can’t wait for some random guy to use me like a bitch on heat. God, I love taking it in the arse!” The Joker went on, in an even higher girly voice.
“That’s funny boss!” One of the thugs laughed but slammed his mouth shut when Joker threw a book at his head.
“Shut the fuck up! Great! Now you made me lose my train of thought. The fucking slut was rubbing her hands over her pussy and feeling up her tits! Fuck that bitch is on heat! And so, so fucking horny!” The Joker said, in an excited voice the pitch getting higher and higher.
“Should I rewind Mr J?” The thug asked. “Of course not; numskull! NO! LET IT ROLL!” The Joker shouted as he watched Barbara Gordon start to strip as she walked over to a wardrobe on the opposite side of the room. Discarding the sports bra over her head as she went, allowing her generous breasts to bounce free of their confinement! Finally, standing in front of the wardrobe she peeled off the skin-tight latex leggings.
As the four men looked on you could have heard a pin drop, and then all four whistled their approval as The Joker said rubbing his groin. “Oh, my boys! Look at those tits and that arse? Fuck, I’ve got movement!”
Harley Quinn slapped his shoulder showing her disapproval!
“Oh, sorry Baby, you always give me movement!” The Joker sniggered.
Barbara Gordon opening the wardrobe revealed another mirror this time attached to the inside of the door. She stood admiring her nude body in the mirror, plucking and extending her prodigious nipples; as they started to harden!
The index finger of her left hand toyed with the nipple of her right breast. She pulled on it slightly as she started to masturbate with her free hand!
“FUCK, the horny bitch!” Joker exclaimed.
Now in a highly excited state, as he leered at the porno show Barbara didn’t realise she was putting on for the crazed criminal!
For twenty minutes Joker, Harley and the thugs watched every stroke Barbara’s right index finger made on her clit until the quivering of her buttocks and quads gave evidence to her orgasm!
“Oh My God Mr J, that’s made me so fucking horny, I need your cock!” Harley pleaded, as her hand disappeared down the front of her skirt!
“Wait boss, the best bit is yet to come?” One of the goons informed Joker.
“Fuck, better than that, is there going to be a three-way lesbian show?” Joker enquired even more excitedly.
“Watch and see boss, you’re going to love it!” The goon sniggered.
Barbara reached into the wardrobe and pulled out a very familiar black and grey outfit!
The Joker was again leering at Barbara’s breasts, as she poured herself into the latex outfit and then pulled on the black boots, black cowl, grey gloves, and attach the grey cape; finally, wrapping the utility belt around her waist.
She then steps away from the wardrobe and goes over to an adjacent bookcase. Pulls on a book and silently, the bookcase slides open!
The bookcase revealed a secret room where Barbara stored her crime-fighting gear and her infamous motorcycle. Barbara entered the room, and the bookshelf closed behind her.
“Barbara….., Barbara Gordon is!”
“YES HARLEY! BARBARA GORDON IS BATGIRL!”
The Joker shouted, triumphantly!
“This is almost too good to be true! I can snatch Barbara Gordon, and torture her for information on Batman and Nightwing! And why waste that magnificent body? I’ll turn her into my plaything and fuck her senseless. And in doing so, embarrass and humiliate the hell out of Commissioner Gordon, and destroy Batman and Nightwing in one mighty blow! Boys, tell me you kept her under surveillance for a few more days?” The Joker probed his henchmen.
“Of course Mr J, we have her timetable down to a T. We know when she leaves, when she comes back, her social pattern, and best of all, the exact alleyway and the secret entrance to her building. We even know there’s a secret lift to that apartment! That’s how she gets the motorbike up there” The number one henchman answered.
“Excellent! Go steal us a van, pick up some chains and rope from the DIY store and don’t forget to go and see ‘Poison Ivy,’ she’s got something special for me!” The Joker ordered as the thugs were running out of the room.
“Harley we’ve got a porno movie to make, starring, Barbara Gordon as Batgirl! It’s going to be a social media sensation! It’s going to go viral! And I’ve got the title: ‘Bat Bitch On Heat Unmasked’” The maniacal criminal screeched at Harley Quinn.
“I don’t know what you see in that fucker, Mr J? What she got that I don’t? My bodies as good as hers, plus I give the best head!” Harley said, becoming jealous of The Joker’s reaction towards Batgirl.
The Joker laughed, hysterically, as he told Harley. “The bitch has a beautiful body Harley, same as you. Great tits same as you, and a cute pussy just like you, and she’s perfect for fucking; just like you! The difference is Harley, once I have broken her, she will help us destroy Batman and all his allies!”
“How? May I ask?” Enquires Harley.
“Once she is broken, she will reveal the true identities of Batman and Nightwing and every other infuriating crime fighter. When we know their identities, we will set each one up, turning the citizens of Gotham City against them, and finally, we will exterminate them. Framing Batman and Nightwing for Batgirl’s murder!” The Joker informed her.
“Kill the bitch! I very much like the sound of that! So, how are we going to do it, Mr J?” Harley squealed, waving her Chiappa Rhino .357 Magnum revolver in the air!
“We frame Batman and Nightwing for the murder and have Batgirl write a confession about the real lives of those two heroes and how they threatened to kill her! The written words of a recently deceased person are admissible in a court of law so Batman will have a hard time refuting the claims. It’s perfect! No more Batman!”
Joker laughed, again and again, almost passing out from excessively laughing!
(Six months earlier)
Thunder and lightning roared as the rain pounded down onto Batman. The Dark Knight had just broken through the glass ceiling of Joker’s latest hideout. Usually, the crime fighter would be busy fighting off The Joker’s thugs, but tonight, they were nowhere to be found! Batman, who typically would have surveyed the scene and reacted accordingly, stood still in total shock!
The Dark Knight was unable to move as he stared at the horrifying scene at the opposite side of the room. Batman saw that his partner, Robin, was tied to a St Andrews Bondage Cross! He was naked except for his mask!
His hands were secured above his head with cable ties and his legs spread apart secured with the similar cable ties to the bottom sections of the cross, a ball gag stifled his gurgling protestations!
Harley Quinn’s left hand snuggly held ‘The Boy Wonders’ testicles as her right hand slowly wanked Robin’s semi-erect cock, while The Joker stood next to them salaciously watching the action!
What Batman could not see was the nine-inch black vibrating dildo implanted into Robin’s rectum! Robin tried valiantly to stop his penis from reacting to the vibrations radiating out of his anus! But to no avail, as his cock now stood to attention as Harley continued to play with the throbbing phallus!
“Greetings Batman! Please direct your attention to the screen behind you or Robin will suffer!” The Joker squeaked happily, as Harley squeezed ‘The Boy Wonders’ testes sack.
Robin jerked violently as Harley violated his testicles as semen started to slowly ooze from the purple head of his cock! Harley’s hand and the vibrating dildo doing their job! Harley bent down to taste the bead of semen seeping from the eye of Robins now rock hard manhood!
Batman did as Joker commanded and watch on the huge screen behind him scenes showing Robin being either fucked by Harley Quinn, whipped by The Joker, or being pummelled by The Joker’s numerous thugs!
“You’ll pay for this Joker!” Batman snarled.
“Sorry Bats, but the Boy Wonder left me wondering if he knew anything about sex at all!” Harley giggled, adding.
“He isn’t much of a lover!”
“Actually, we fucked him over pretty bad, Batman! He wasn’t very enthusiastic about sex; Harley always had to jump on him. But her mouth is the best and as soon as her lips were sucking on the head of his pitiful excuse for a penis he was ridged and ready to be fucked!” Joker said as he tried not to snigger.
“You monster!” Batman growled as he turned around and darted towards The Joker before he was met with over twenty hired thugs.
Batman fought hard and used everything he had in his utility belt, disposing of the attackers left and right until only a few remained.
As five thugs stood between him and Joker, he noticed Harley Quinn kissing Robin on the cheek and waving goodbye with one hand as the other wanked hard on his cock sending the Boy Wonder over the edge! Squirt after squirt of cum up shot into the air only to arc down landing on the dirty floor.
“Finish him!” The Joker shouted as the thugs converged on Batman. The Dark Knight vaulted over the tackling thugs and made his way towards The Joker, only to see him whirl his fingers and a sharp knife glide out from underneath the cuff of his shirt.
He pressed the blade against Robin’s throat, slicing it open from ear to ear! Blood squirted from the severed carotid arteries as The Joker scurried away!
Robin’s erection wilting as his life ebbed away!
Batman yelled as he watched the scene unfold before him. The Dark Knight snarled and was tackled by the five thugs. More and more of defeated thugs started to get up and started to attack Batman, as The Joker simply walked away.
“ROBIN!” Bruce Wayne screamed, as his body bolted out of bed.
“What’s wrong, sir?” Alfred asked as he entered the room to find Bruce Wayne pale and sweating. Alfred Pennyworth had been his guardian and butler ever since an assassin killed his Mother and Father when Bruce was a small boy!
“I had a nightmare a flashback!” Bruce told Alfred.
“I’ll make some tea sir?” Alfred said as he turned on the TV.
‘In local news today, the Joker has escaped from Starling city!’
An invisible reporters voice exclaimed.
‘He was supposed to be being transported back to Gotham City for trial but has got away. It seems a gang of his henchmen wearing Panda Masks held up the transport, killing the driver and guards!’
The reporter went on.
“Joker has escaped. He better pray that the police find him before I do. Because when I catch him, I will kill him!” Bruce growled.
Over on the other side of Gotham, a plan was being hatched, and a trap had been set!
It was a late peaceful summers night in Gotham City and Barbara Gordon, was walking home from dinner with her Father ‘Commissioner Gordon.’ Barbara was thinking how easy everything had been in the last few weeks in Gotham.
The crime rate in Gotham City had plummeted since Batman had decided to devote most of his time to crime fighting. The Caped Crusader was hell-bent on bringing Joker to justice and numerous criminals had been sent to jail as he attempted to hunt down the Prince of Crime!
However, everyone knew that The Joker had skipped town, and the criminals who decided to stay in Gotham were trying to keep a low profile.
Thus, Gotham had become much safer in the past few months. Barbara’s role as Batgirl was much easier now! Barbara’s musing about how much safer Gotham had become was about to be shattered. She had been totally unaware that she had been shadowed all night by The Jokers goons!
As she arrived at the entrance to the alleyway leading to her apartment she suddenly heard a woman’s call for help. The woman’s screaming seemed too becoming from the far end of the alleyway. In the dim light, she could see movement and flash of red!
As her eyes got used to the dim light she saw that the screams came from a woman wearing a long red overcoat and slanted brimmed hat, which covered her face. As Barbara rushed up to see what was the matter she saw the three huge thugs dressed in black sweaters, blue jeans, and ski masks over their faces were assailing the poor woman.
‘She must have been chased or dragged into the alleyway,’ Barbara thought, as she impetuously rushed to help the woman!
“Get off her!” Barbara shouted as she instinctively went into action!
“Fuck off bitch!” The biggest assailant spat, as he turned to deal with her releasing his hold on the poor woman while the other men also charged at Barbara!
“Is that any way to treat a lady?” Barbara shouted at all three men. As she delivered a roundhouse kick to one of her attackers, sending him crashing to the ground leaving him stunned.
“Bitch!” The next thug screamed as he charged toward her. Barbara grabbed his arm and swung him into a brick wall, sending him to the ground equally stunned. As he tried to get to his feet, a kick, square onto his jaw sent his head reeling, he landed at her feet unconscious she thought!
The third man seemed to melt away!
The heroine patted her hands together to get rid of the dust and then went over to the woman.
“Are you alright lady?” Barbara asked, as she took the woman’s hand and pulled her up.
“I am, but you’re not!” The woman laughed.
Her hat fell off, revealing a beautiful blonde, who just happened to be Dr Harleen Quinzel!
Before Barbara could react, Harley sprayed a green gas into her face.
“Arrrgggghhhhhh!” Barbara groaned, as she felt her head begin to spin and her eyes start to blur as her breathing became difficult. Barbara’s chest heaved as she lost her balance and began to sway back and forth like she had motion sickness!
This was just what the three thugs, who were feigning injury and flight, needed as they quickly dashed toward the stunned woman, and tackled her to the ground! Although Barbara was still shaken by the gas, she wasn’t about to go down without a fight, thus she struggled against the three brutes as they fought to keep her pinned to the ground.
The tussle lasted for a few minutes before Harley got involved. She rained a few hard blows with her famed baseball bat across Barbara’s breasts, making the girl cry out in pain! Giving the thugs time to subdue the struggling woman!
“Get off me!” Barbara moaned as she continued her futile efforts to get free.
But resistance was futile; as now, face down in the dirt her sore breasts were being pressed into the ground as two thugs buried their knees into her shoulder blades! Thus, keeping her pinned, while their hands pulled her arms behind her back securing her wrists with cable ties, as another thug and Harley constrained Barbara’s thrashing legs!
When they gained control of Barbara’s flailing limbs Harley produced a short stout wooden pole with a ring on each end. As the goon held Barbara’s legs still Harley put a cable tie through one ring and attached the end of the pole to Barbara’s left ankle pulling the cable tie so tight the struggling woman yelped. Harley repeated the process on the right ankle thus stopping Barbara from being able to close her legs! Harley had made an improvised bondage bar, a device to keep one’s legs apart!
“What the fuck you doing, get off me, let me go!” Barbara screamed.
“Did you just ask us to get off you?” A voice laughed from the shadows.
Barbara recognised the owner of the voice, but couldn’t say anything as one of the thugs had clamped a gloved hand over her mouth. Her mind raced in panic at the realisation she had been captured by The Joker! What the fuck did he want with her what was he going to do with her?
Her mind remembering what Batman had said they had done to Robin!
“I would be more than willing to do that, you know, but you would put up a fight again, would you not? And I have plans for you! I can see you obviously work out Miss Gordon. I imagine that’s why your buttocks are so firm and tight back here?”
Joker said, as he kneaded and groped her arse through the material of her flimsy summer dress!
“And such fine tits! I’m going to love playing with them. Flip her over boys!” He instructed his goons.
Laying on her back with her arms trapped behind her and unable to close her legs, Barbara could do nothing to stop The Joker as he popped open the buttons at the front of her dress, giving him access to her tits! “Oh look boys, no bra! Joker sniggered exposing Barbara’s tits!
“Bastard!” Barbara screamed. As she wiggled her mouth free from the hand clamped over the orifice, as The Joker began molesting the woman’s firm mammary glands!
“I can’t examine my new pet if she’s lying on the pavement. Get my hot little bitch on all fours where she belongs!” Joker ordered.
His gang, yelping and barking like dogs as they forced Barbara into a doggie position on her knees! Face down on the dirty alley floor with her arse in the air Barbara felt defenceless!
The Crowned Prince of Crime began to grope Barbara, sliding his hands over the contours of her body! As he did so he whispered into Batgirl’s left ear in a husky, raspy voice. “It seems you exercise a lot slut, I’m glad you’ve been keeping yourself fit for me. Because it means our sex will be that much better and so much longer. I’m really looking forward to it, Miss Gordon!”
“Fuck you Joker!” Barbara squealed biting the hand clamped over her mouth to allow the retort!
“Fuck me, well how intuitive of you! You’ll be doing that all right as you’re going to become my little sex toy! You will serve me, as my sex slave, accommodating my every desire! I’m going to break you slowly and enjoy every second of it. Once you’re broken, you will serve me, and effectively become one of Gotham City’s hottest criminals. When that happens, we’re going to turn this city against Batman and all of his allies, and you’re going to help. However, I’ll explain that later. Now it’s time for business!” Joker whispered.
Grabbing Barbara’s ponytail he pulled her head up so he could see her face! With the other hand, he hoiked up the bottom of her dress resting it neatly across the small of her back! Then the hand slid over her arse and into the valley between her legs, arriving on her hairless pussy!
“Oh, my Barbara what a lovely soft pussy you have!” The Joker commented as he proceeded to squeeze her sex through to thin silky material of her knickers!
“I own this pussy now!” He laughed as Barbara turned her head away in disgust.
“Here you go, boss!” Harley said as she pushed a small suitcase across to him! The case slid along on the concrete, creating a scratching noise that caught Barbra’s attention. Craning her neck, she tried to see what was going on and saw The Joker opened the case. From it, he pulled out a large syringe!
Barbara’s eyes grew wide with terror as he held it up for her to inspect. With a sneer on his face, he then pulls out a glass bottle and slowly fills the syringe with a thick green liquid!
Harley Quinn had obtained the bottle of green goo from her friend and lover Poison Ivy the concoction made to The Joker’s particular requirements!
A truth serum, and a mind-altering, aphrodisiac!
He not only wanted to fuck Barbara, but he craved for her to enjoy her desecration at his hands. And after her debasement to reveal the secret identities of all the other Super Heroes. Particularly, The Batman and Nightwing!
Once the syringe was full, The Joker tossed the bottle away and held it in front of Barbara’s eyes for her to inspect once again. Then grabbing her by the hair he pulled her head to one side so he could inject the contents into Barbara Gordon’s neck!
‘Fuck off! Get that away from me you scum. You’ll pay for this!” She screamed as he tried to inject the contents into her bloodstream.
Barbara tossed her head from side to side in an effort, however futile, to evade the needle piercing her carotid artery.
“Harley, stroke our pet and try and calm her down, so I can drug her!” An irritated Joker directed.
Harley then produced a scalpel from the case, and taking hold of the top of Barbara’s dress cut the thin shoulder straps that held the garment to her body and then sliced the material from neck to hem! Splitting the delicate fabric open!
The two halves slithered off her body and lay on the dirty floor! Hog-tied and naked, other than a pair of flimsy lacy knickers she felt the sting…
Slappppp, Slappppp, Slappppp!
Aarrrrhhhhh you fuckers, stop!” Barbara shrieked, as could feel her butt cheeks starting to glow as Harley administered blow after onto her buttocks with her celebrated spanking paddle!
“Fucker am I!” Harley hissed, as she rolled Batgirl over on to her back. Taking the scalpel she cut through the gusset of Barbara’s knickers and then ripped the rest of the silky fabric from her body! Harley let out a triumphant cry as she held the tattered material for all to see!
Lying naked on the dirty alley floor she felt the cool night air on her exposed body! Barbara tried to free her arms to cover herself, but it was futile!
“Well, how do you like this?” Harley went on, as she began to run her hand over Barbara’s sex, tracing the line of her pussy lips with her finger! Harley Quinn going for the full-on sexual assault!
“Stop, get off!”
Barbara screamed into the gloved hand covering her mouth, as she felt Harley’s finger find her clit, and felt her thumb disappear into her vagina!
“Have a smell of my flower?” Joker said as he sprayed Barbara with a cloud of violet gas.
Before she could stop herself she inhaled some of the bluish-purple cloud. It filled her nostrils and throat as Harley’s fingers filled her pussy! A distant pulse of pleasure registered in her brain as the gas took effect!
As the toxic gas hit Barbara’s nervous system, her head swooned, the gas dulling her senses. A huge smile decorated Joker’s face as he injected the green liquid into Barbara’s neck.
His smile grew bigger and bigger as he saw Barbara’s eye pop wide open and then slowly fade into small black slits before they finally closed as she fell unconscious!
“Let’s wrap her up for Mr J,” Harley said, happily sucking Barbara’s sex juice from her fingers. As The Joker stroked Barbara’s face, a van pulled into the alleyway.
One of the thugs opened the sliding door at the side of the van and pulled out a few chains and tossed them to his cohorts.
As Harley secure the chains to Barbara’s shackled wrists, The Joker toyed with the sleeping woman’s naked body! Playing with her tits, squeezing the firm flesh of one orb while the other hand teased the nipple of the other breast. His fingers pulled and squeezed at the teat, all the while he sniggered to himself as dribble ran over his chin!
Once the chains were secure, Joker placed a bag over Barbara’s head, and then stood up.
“Bring her along! And no touching she’s all mine!” He ordered as he made his way to the van. Two thugs quickly complied, and carried the naked unconscious woman into the van!
Harley Quinn sat next to The Joker in the back and the thugs placed the sleeping woman on their laps. Barbara’s hooded face lay on top of Joker’s lap and as he stroked her hair Harley pretended to play the drums on the woman’s now rose pink nude arse.
The three thugs boarded the van and closed the doors, as it drove back to their headquarters!
Mark Darcy’s Parody The Jokers Grand Scheme will be in the Amazon store in the summer of 2019. This first chapter is a taste of what’s to come, look out for further chapters in the weeks and months to come.
Mark Darcys collection of short stories “Anticipation” and “Suzy’s Halloween are available in The Amazon Book Store now or to Downloadable for Kindle. You can order directly by contacting the author at firstname.lastname@example.org Cost is £5.00 plus postage.