Does It Bring out the Beast in Me?
Porn has had a bad reputation. Sordid, seamy, exploitative are some of the adjectives used to describe it. Isn’t it time for a makeover?
Can porn be exciting if it goes upmarket and arty? Can it still be as joyfully mucky, visceral and unfettered if it is changed for the better? Doesn’t better really mean sanitised?
Ideally, porn would excite our lust in contexts which also presented another, elevated side of human nature. One in which people were being witty, or showing kindness, or working hard or being clever.
Our sexual excitement could bleed into, and enhance our respect for these other elements of a good life. Sexuality would no longer have to be lumped together with stupidity, brutishness, earnestness and exploitation.
This sounds ‘noble’ but wouldn’t it be highly contrived in reality, to create such elevating sexual scenarios?
Tasteful porn has a touch of the smug and self-congratulatory about it. The idea that people can switch on to watch “good filth”, knowing they’re not really doing anything too demeaning or beastly.
What do we want? Porn sites that parents would feel comfortable with their sons or daughters accessing at a certain age without particular shame.
I wonder whether these young people could even stomach watching porn that has been vetted and approved of by their parents.
Sex, desire and appetite can’t be as easily re-conditioned to be better or uplifting. Of course, the more a teenage boy watches sites that have hairless, surgically enhanced women being treated like meat, the more he internalises this as the norm.
Tasteful porn only works if you believe that sexual appetites can – and should – be subject to this level of self-surveillance. We are being asked to watch a better class of porn that may lead to having better sex.
What about politically incorrect fantasies? What about the exhilaration of the illicit and the thrill of guilt? Will holier-than-thou naughtiness satisfy or end up being a pale reflection of what presses people’s buttons?
Better Porn has great integrity. I’m not knocking it. But it may end up being pretty, anodyne stuff, repressing our beastly desires.
I suspect that sex desire and appetite can’t be as easily re-conditioned to be “better” in the way that this idea assumes it might be.
The more a teenage boy watches sites that have hairless, surgically enhanced women being treated like meat, the more he internalises this as the norm, but Better Porn only works if you believe that sexual appetites can – and should – be subject to this level of self-surveillance.
We are being asked to watch Better Porn and by extension, have Better Sex. What about politically incorrect fantasies? What about the exhilaration of the illicit and the thrill of guilt? Will Botton’s holier-than-thou naughtiness satisfy or end up being a pale reflection of what presses people’s buttons?
Our appetites for sexual simulation seem to be growing as internet porn becomes an infinitely expanding industry, and as we increasingly seek out erotic reading material, with books like the S&M saga, Fifty Shades of Grey, hitting the bestseller lists.
A cynic might be forgiven for thinking that the promise of high-end porn will ride on the back of society’s addiction to web sex, that it doesn’t challenge the desire for mainly masturbatory material, only re-arranging its aesthetics to make it high-end.
When You Want to Come
If you remember anything I’ve ever advised you over the last umpteen years, let it be this: know at what point in the porn video you want to blow your lady load.
There is seriously no bigger bummer than putting all this effort into properly watching porn only to come during some mundane moment, like the damn blowjob that always happens mid-fuck when the dude starts to go a little soft.
I mean, cuming always feels good, but it feels better when it happens during whatever you consider the horniest part of the video.
So, before you really get down to business, give the porn you’re watching a quick skim and become familiar with which scenes you want to skip and when you want to time your Big O. Seriously, you’ll thank me later.
Seriously, you’ll thank me later.
The volume of porn on the internet is seemingly limitless. There is always something new to watch. But the problem is a lot of it is crap, so when you find a video you like, bookmark that shit so you can watch it again some other time.
Because my brother dog sits for me sometimes and uses my computer, I hide my bookmarked porn with boring names like “Bank of America” (James Deen’s tag page on PornHub) or “Pillows on Etsy” (a Manuel Ferrera/Kayden Kross scene that is beyond hot) that I know he would never click on.
I started bookmarking my favourite porn after I forgot the name of the best porn scene I think I have ever watched and have not been able to find since. Devastating. Live and learn, I guess.