Feature Article; Orgasmic Meditation

Orgasmic Meditation

[Taken with a Pinch of Salt]

The founder of the One Taste Urban Retreat Center, Nicole Durdon, sees herself as leading “the slow-sex movement,” one that places a near-exclusive emphasis on women’s pleasure — in which love, romance and even flirtation are not required.

“In our culture, admitting our bodies matter is almost an admission of failure. I don’t think women will really experience freedom until they own their sexuality.”20120426_193238000_iOS

She’s written Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm. On page 1: “I teach a practice called Orgasmic Meditation. It’s a way that any man can bring out the orgasm in any woman, in just fifteen minutes.”

Orgasm for her is not the moment of climax. It’s the entire experience of sex. It’s the way sexual potency is “a source of power,” an “entry point” to joyful living, a “gateway” to a deeper connection with your lover.

It’s not sex. It’s not even foreplay. After 15 minutes, you get up and leave. It’s just what she says it is: meditation. But because we’re talking about orgasm, you do it with your body.

Or rather, you do it with the woman’s body because the man remains fully clothed. She removes her pants. Lies down. Spreads her legs. From there, he does everything. Looking. Stroking. Talking.20140713_010758000_ios

A core of 38 men and women [average age the late 20s] live full time in the retreat centre, a shabby-chic loft building in the South of Market district. They prepare meals together, practice yoga and mindfulness meditation and lead workshops in communication for outside groups as large as 60.

But the heart of the group’s activity, listed cryptically on its Web site’s calendar as “morning practice,” is closed to all but the residents.

At 7 a.m. each day, as the rest of America is eating Cheerios or trying to face gridlock without hyperventilating, about a dozen women, naked from the waist down, lie with eyes closed in a velvet-curtained room.

Clothed men huddle over them, stroking them in a ritual known as orgasmic meditation — “OMing,” for short. The couples, who may or may not be romantically involved, call one another “research partners.”

A commune dedicated to men and women publicly creating “the orgasm that exists between them,” in the words of one resident, may sound like the ultimate California satire.

But the Bay Area has a lively and venerable history of seekers constructing lives around sexual adventure.

Durdon’s personal ‘awakening’ happened at a party in 1998, where met a Buddhist who had a practice in what he called “contemplative sexuality.”

What she got from taking off her pants, being stroked and talked to was nothing less than a revelation. She discovered that women are entitled to ask for what they want.

Paying attention to female pleasure rewards the man as well as the woman, and that the benefits of orgasm can have a huge ripple effect:

“It will be turned on women around the world, and those that dare to stroke us, that will change the world, feeding the desire for connection that we all have.”

Another snake-oil saleswoman with her hyperbole.get-that-cock-inside-her1

Is there a piece of advice that you would give our readers as they explore their sexuality as young adults?

Don’t believe the hype. Don’t believe what our culture says about women, desire, and especially about the vagina. Even women in our modern American culture still inherit 5,000 years of shame around the vagina and around female desire.

When I started researching the development of sexual shame and how it got passed down for 5,000 years it’s very hard to not internalise that on some level.

You might think, ‘Oh, this is nonsense, it’s the church fathers in the 4th century telling me that I’m heading to hell…’ But what else is there? There’s porn…and that’s it!

Another thing that I wish my 20-year-old self had known was that I was very fortunate in my upbringing, but all I had was what my culture gave me as far as information goes.

There’s information in the book that only a handful of scientists know, about female arousal, female orgasm, female desire, the difference between male and female sexual response, pelvic wiring…the evidence is fascinating.

I want to stress that women are all very individual and that it’s all very subjective, but I wish that my 20-year old self had had the anatomical information, such as the effects of stress and relaxation on female arousal.fuck-it-to-me

Or the important role of understanding the female neural network, just how much is going on in there! Even our most positive thoughts about female sexuality are so superficial compared to what we’re wired to experience and the potential that we all have.


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