Feature: First Time Sex

201528199485898No one actually cares if you’re still a virgin.

It seems like all anyone talks about is sex, and like all of your friends are doing it, and like the plot of 8 million movies involves Losing It. But trust us: You are not the last untouched human on Earth. Not even close.

It only feels that way sometimes because your virginity matters more to you than it does to anyone else. That’s an excellent reason to wait for the positive experience you deserve.

It should be full of mutual deep-feels and next-level respect. That person won’t care about how much you’ve hooked up. They’ll just be PSYCHED to get to share it with you!

Losing your virginity doesn’t mean what you think it means.

You’ve maybe got this equation in your head: Penis? Vagina = Virginity Lost. But what if you’re into girls, not guys? Does that mean you are you an eternal virgin (of course not!]?

Other activities, like oral sex, can be even more intimate than sexual intercourse — and also carry the risk of STDs. Any time you’re intimate with someone, it’s going to impact you.

So don’t put too much on the technicality of just one act, and instead think of ~Losing It~ as a progression. Then you’ll be prepared to handle all of the big responsibilities (am I being safe?) AND crazy-complex emotions (did he/she really just see me totally naked?!) that come with each and every step.

What was your first time like?

Awkward, pleasurable, maybe a little scary?

A recent study asked male and female undergrads about their first-time experiences. The undergrads chose from descriptions such as “anxiety,” “connection” or “negativity,” and whether they felt in control of the situation and if they felt safe.

They were asked to keep a diary regarding all of their sexual encounters and to note how they felt during and after the act.

The findings were quite clear: The men and women who had positive first-timers were more likely to report positive and pleasurable sexual experiences.

The students who had negative first-timers were more likely to report lower sexual satisfaction and lower sexual functioning.

Those who had negative first times were more likely to continue having negative sexual experiences, whereas students who enjoyed positive first times, were more likely to continue enjoying positive sexual experiences.

If we have negative thoughts and negative expectations, we usually find that negative things happen to us. Those who have a poor first time (or a coerced or forced first time) might have low self-esteem and low sexual expectations.

They might not be comfortable with their body or their sexual response, and all of that will continue to come up in the bedroom. They might even attract partners who encourage them to feel that way.

It also could be that the students who had positive first times had been encouraged to think positively about their bodies and sexuality from an early age.

People who lost their virginity in a pleasurable way probably did so because they postponed sex until they were truly ready. They did so with forethought and preparation (rather than in the back seat of a car at prom.20130514_205631000_iOS

Studies like these help to drive home the importance of comprehensive sex education. Teens who aren’t given the information they need to protect themselves and practice healthy sexuality are not only going to be at a greater risk of STDs.

They are going to be at a greater risk of feeling scared, intimidated and anxious in the bedroom, meaning that they might give up control to their partner or that they might have sex before they are truly ready. All of this can affect their self-esteem as well as their sexual pleasure far down the road.

 

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